Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Protecting
The military is supposed to protect civilians. But isn't it our job, as civilians, to in turn protect our military?
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Things I Hate - August Edition
I was walking behind a ridiculously slow group of people today when a thought occurred to me: I hate slow walkers. Now I've hated them for awhile but slowly walking in the basking sun only intensified my hatred. Yes, slow walkers have made it to my list of things I hate. Here's the list of things I hate (in no particular order):
1) Slow walkers
2) Obnoxiously large baby carriages
3) Baby carriages
4) Babies
5) Smelly people
6) White men (I'm white so I can hate them)
7) White men who date Asian women (?)
8) White men with Asian women pushing baby carriages
9) My friends
10) My family
11) Periods
12) Norteno Music
13) White people
14) Skinny people
15) Old people
16) Dumb people
17) Old dentures
18) Dog dirt
19) Madonna
20) Madonna's arms
21) Hollywood
22) Pedophiles
23) Most politicians
24) Insurance companies
25) Rich people
26) Poor people
27) Middle class people
28) Religion
29) Pimples
30) Slow drivers
31) Stop signs
32) Red lights
That's all for now.
1) Slow walkers
2) Obnoxiously large baby carriages
3) Baby carriages
4) Babies
5) Smelly people
6) White men (I'm white so I can hate them)
7) White men who date Asian women (?)
8) White men with Asian women pushing baby carriages
9) My friends
10) My family
11) Periods
12) Norteno Music
13) White people
14) Skinny people
15) Old people
16) Dumb people
17) Old dentures
18) Dog dirt
19) Madonna
20) Madonna's arms
21) Hollywood
22) Pedophiles
23) Most politicians
24) Insurance companies
25) Rich people
26) Poor people
27) Middle class people
28) Religion
29) Pimples
30) Slow drivers
31) Stop signs
32) Red lights
That's all for now.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Trying not to be a bad social worker
We all make mistakes on the job. I guess it's harder for those of us working in the helping professions because our mistakes affect people - real, live people. Sometimes we can't take the mistakes back.
I've made a couple of mistakes recently. I've done it twice. I receive a phone call from someone interested in my program's services and I've gotten a little...well...a little "referral happy". I'm so quick to screen people out and refer them elsewhere that I may have inadvertently screened out some needy, appropriate folks. I don't know why I do that sometimes. It's something I've done before. For some reason I'm really sensitive to people trying to take advantage of something they're not eligible for, forgetting that regardless of who they are they need help. So instead of relaxing and having a pleasant conversation I freak and look for any reason to screen out. I'm usually right but I know I need to be more conscious and aware of this issue of mine.
I've made a couple of mistakes recently. I've done it twice. I receive a phone call from someone interested in my program's services and I've gotten a little...well...a little "referral happy". I'm so quick to screen people out and refer them elsewhere that I may have inadvertently screened out some needy, appropriate folks. I don't know why I do that sometimes. It's something I've done before. For some reason I'm really sensitive to people trying to take advantage of something they're not eligible for, forgetting that regardless of who they are they need help. So instead of relaxing and having a pleasant conversation I freak and look for any reason to screen out. I'm usually right but I know I need to be more conscious and aware of this issue of mine.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
The last singleton
I guess this is completely of my own making. I've done so little over the past couple of years to look for and cement new relationships. It's at the point right now where all of my friends are attached and I'm single. It sucks. What do I do? Find a man? I don't want to. I don't feel like dating. It's just stress and heartbreak.
I've already had "The Fight" with my most recently coupled good friend. This morning we had a huge fight where I accused her of abadoning me. It was pretty awkward. I'm 30. Shouldn't I know better? I should.
I've already had "The Fight" with my most recently coupled good friend. This morning we had a huge fight where I accused her of abadoning me. It was pretty awkward. I'm 30. Shouldn't I know better? I should.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Gays Hate Me Again
For some time now I've suspected gay men hate me. I really don't know why but it concerns me sometimes.
I tried. Things were going well. I thought one of my gay coworkers really liked me. I had not intention of telling anyone I was going to Pride. Why? It's just a fun event, I support civil liberties for everyone, and I had a ticket to an open bar. Sweet! But I wasn't going to walk into work and announce to my gay coworkers that I was going. It would sound insincere and like I was trying too hard to be liked. Insincere. So on Friday I'm driving around with my one gay coworker. I ask him about his weekend plans and he tells me he's going to the parade. I mention I'm going also. He then asks me if I'm going with a woman. I answer that yes, I am. He tells me I should go to the Dyke Parade. Without thinking I tell him I couldn't do that because I'm too scared. At that moment I knew I fucked up. "Great", I'm thinking, "Now's he going to see through my exterior of openness and see the real me, the homophobe me". Of course I'm not a homophobe but everyone carries some preconceptions about others with them. Yes, the reason I didn't want to go to the Dyke Parade was because I thought they wouldn't be too excited to have straight women present. And then they'd hit on me. And I didn't know about it. I didn't know! So I walk into work this morning and the first thing my other coworker asks me is what I did over the weekend. I told her I went to the parade but I really didn't want to. I thought it would sound like I was bragging to get on the gays good side. So after that I was totally self conscious around my one coworker who was very quiet around me today. I guess it's also worth noting that he divulged shit loads of personal info to me on Friday (always a bad plan) so maybe he felt self conscious about that. And he thinks I'm a poser homophobe.
They hate me again!
I tried. Things were going well. I thought one of my gay coworkers really liked me. I had not intention of telling anyone I was going to Pride. Why? It's just a fun event, I support civil liberties for everyone, and I had a ticket to an open bar. Sweet! But I wasn't going to walk into work and announce to my gay coworkers that I was going. It would sound insincere and like I was trying too hard to be liked. Insincere. So on Friday I'm driving around with my one gay coworker. I ask him about his weekend plans and he tells me he's going to the parade. I mention I'm going also. He then asks me if I'm going with a woman. I answer that yes, I am. He tells me I should go to the Dyke Parade. Without thinking I tell him I couldn't do that because I'm too scared. At that moment I knew I fucked up. "Great", I'm thinking, "Now's he going to see through my exterior of openness and see the real me, the homophobe me". Of course I'm not a homophobe but everyone carries some preconceptions about others with them. Yes, the reason I didn't want to go to the Dyke Parade was because I thought they wouldn't be too excited to have straight women present. And then they'd hit on me. And I didn't know about it. I didn't know! So I walk into work this morning and the first thing my other coworker asks me is what I did over the weekend. I told her I went to the parade but I really didn't want to. I thought it would sound like I was bragging to get on the gays good side. So after that I was totally self conscious around my one coworker who was very quiet around me today. I guess it's also worth noting that he divulged shit loads of personal info to me on Friday (always a bad plan) so maybe he felt self conscious about that. And he thinks I'm a poser homophobe.
They hate me again!
Clients and coworkers. Who sucks more?
Sometimes I'm not sure who is worse. I do think my coworkers are pretty cool but I can't let my guard down yet. I'm too reserved. I wish I could but it takes me a while to come out of my shell. I know in my heart I'm really trying to reach out but I still feel like they don't see that. All they see is this strange, disinterested person who doesn't fit in. I'm having all kinds of irrational thoughts float through my head. Thoughts like "What if they all regret hiring me", "What if they wish they hired someone else", etc, etc, etc. Stuff like that. I'm seeing things that I know aren't real. Yes, like many of my clients, I'm engaging in reality testing. Far too often.
In addition, I got angry at my first client today. I think this happens to everyone. Countertranserference, no? I think this is it. This woman calls and immediately wants to speak to my coworker. Since we all share clients I'm sometimes unsure if I should handle these calls or respect the client's request. I'm more inclined to respect the client's respect. We're not designed to fix every one of our clients' flaws and it's not appropriate to do so. And considering I'm new, I have no idea what most of the clients are even talking about sometimes. But anyway, I asked my coworker to take the call. She didn't respond. I then asked if I should just take it and she responded "sure, if you want". I began speaking to the client who quickly snapped at me that she wanted my coworker. Ok. I turn back to my coworker and with a little more emphasis restated the client wanted to speak with her.
The whole thing left a sick feeling in my stomach. The interaction and my hangover. Was my coworker purposely leaving me to handle that client? That' s not a problem except the client has never met me in person (appropriate? or not? considering we work with a population that is mentally ill and has trouble trusting others). If she wants me to help out more than why does she hog all the work? I don't get it. I'm just trying my best.
And the client. I was actually pretty angry with her. Her refusing to let me help her brought back past feelings of inadequacy and being disregarded by others (my grandmother) when all I wanted to do was help but I didn't know how.
Well at least tomorrow's a new day.
In addition, I got angry at my first client today. I think this happens to everyone. Countertranserference, no? I think this is it. This woman calls and immediately wants to speak to my coworker. Since we all share clients I'm sometimes unsure if I should handle these calls or respect the client's request. I'm more inclined to respect the client's respect. We're not designed to fix every one of our clients' flaws and it's not appropriate to do so. And considering I'm new, I have no idea what most of the clients are even talking about sometimes. But anyway, I asked my coworker to take the call. She didn't respond. I then asked if I should just take it and she responded "sure, if you want". I began speaking to the client who quickly snapped at me that she wanted my coworker. Ok. I turn back to my coworker and with a little more emphasis restated the client wanted to speak with her.
The whole thing left a sick feeling in my stomach. The interaction and my hangover. Was my coworker purposely leaving me to handle that client? That' s not a problem except the client has never met me in person (appropriate? or not? considering we work with a population that is mentally ill and has trouble trusting others). If she wants me to help out more than why does she hog all the work? I don't get it. I'm just trying my best.
And the client. I was actually pretty angry with her. Her refusing to let me help her brought back past feelings of inadequacy and being disregarded by others (my grandmother) when all I wanted to do was help but I didn't know how.
Well at least tomorrow's a new day.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
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